Young Love Turned Toxic: Abuse, Cheating, and Pregnancy

Anonymous, as told to Renee Childs

The experience that I want to get out is heartbreak. Being betrayed in so many ways, at such a young age, then messing up along the way… and finding out who I am. I had to get through that and I want to help other people get through that.

J and I started dating when we were 15. Everything was going good. Everything was smooth. I knew he talked to other girls. I’m not going to make him not talk to them. But I didn’t know he was talking to them in a flirty kind of way. I actually thought it was friendly because that’s what he made me think.

Anytime he called or texted, I would be right there.

I kept hearing rumors. One of the girls I grew up with used to tell me what he was doing- he would try to talk to her. And one day I caught him talking to her and flirting with her. He saw me and didn’t stop. And he tried to hug me the next day. So sometimes I would catch him myself. Other times other people would catch him, but I wouldn’t listen because I was too in love and I didn’t want to say anything because I knew we would start arguing.

But I also loved him. You know, the young dumb and in love.

I eventually got a sense that he was doing me wrong so I looked through his phone.

He walked into the room, saw what I was doing and he slapped me. Hard. On the face.

I was like “Wow. Did you just really do that? I was shocked.

I feel like people don’t do that if they love you. To me, I feel like the abuse is an act showing that they don’t love you, or it’s that that’s what they’ve experienced. They’ve been hurt so they hurt others. But they should get help.

There was fear in the relationship. Anytime he tried to hug me, I would flinch at first.

I just let it happen. I adjusted to it. I was afraid of him. I was scared to say anything about how I felt.

But after the arguing, constant fighting I stopped liking him. I loved him, but I didn’t like him as a person anymore.

Eventually, the main reason I stayed was because I was scared. Scared of him, and scared to be without him.

My childhood years had been tough… and he was there for me as a friend after a lot of hard things had happened with my family. This was my first relationship. We had been together for years. What would my life be like without him? Who would I talk to? I didn’t have a lot of other friends. I’m not that social.

I found out he got another girl pregnant. He was telling me how sorry he was, how he was going to make it up to me, how sad he was about cheating on me. But he also hit me that night.

After finding out he cheated, I cried for months. I only showered once a week. I was hurt to the core. It messed my mindset up.

It was traumatizing.

It was confusing.

It took me a long time to get over him. It took 3 years… we had been together for so long. The feelings don’t just leave.

I started messing around with other people to get the pain off of me. That’s why I say I messed up along the way. But it molded me into being anti-social in an unhealthy way. I isolated myself. I didn’t really talk to my family or go places. I would only come out to eat.

But during this journey, I also found a part of myself. I realized that I don’t need to be messing around with other people.

That relationship made me cold-hearted, but it also helped me to know what I don’t what.

Here is my advice if anyone else is in a relationship where they are in love, but afraid, and know that this person isn’t good for you: you have to get out of that relationship. Start blocking their messages. Block their number, delete their number. Avoid them. Even if they go to the same school. Delete everything that you have together, pictures, videos, anything that you know will make you think of them. It’s going to be tough, but you need to do it. You’re going to make it.

It’s about believing that you’re worth it. That you’re worth having a relationship where someone treats you well, and equally. And where you’re the only one.

Also, if you’re in a relationship and it’s going great at first… and it turns out bad for some reason, that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

I’ve been through a lot. And here’s how I would describe myself now: smart, strong-minded, strong-willed, very independent.

Now I’m in a relationship for the first time where I actually like the guy. Still, not everything has been totally easy. He has an infant. He had the child before we were together and he’s fighting for full custody. His mom and his dad help a lot. That was something we had to work through. It was hurtful and hard for me at first, but now I care about his child.

We build each other up. We cry together. We talk about our relationship. We have to have these talks and know how to trust each other.

To make relationships work, we have to open up more. We need to have the hard conversations. You have to talk about your fears. We had a conversation about how he is afraid I will hurt him… because of his previous relationships. And I had to reassure him that I wasn’t going to try to hurt him. I don’t want to become the same thing that hurt me, which is a monster.

We have to talk to each other about our past hurt.

He won’t talk to other females. He doesn’t want to. Even in a movie, he will not look at other girls.

Our expectations for each other are to be there for each other.

Wait till you’re ok to have a relationship. If you’ve been hurt, wait till you start feeling better. Be ok to be in your own corner.

And most importantly, know your worth. You deserve to be treated well.