blind in hindsight

By Izzie Hackett, 16, Missouri

my mind is a book with illustrations

color flies freely from page to page

each turn more vivid than the last

but when i reach your chapter

i am overwhelmed

by the foul fashion

that my mind monochromatically paints

your face

your words

as i flip through the sheets stained by you

my fingers are stained too

dusted golden

my memories of you dance in my mind

glowing golden

and in my mind you have done no wrong

and in my mind it was all my fault

because you are

undoubtedly golden

my mind must have drawn over

those blue rivers you brought,

the red that i bled for your love,

and the dark void that you left

it must have ruined erasers and blunted pencils

because when i remember you, 

you are

completely and utterly golden

no one could dull the magnitude of your sickly shine.

---

“blind in hindsight” was inspired by my experience in an emotionally abusive relationship. More specifically, this poem is about romanticizing someone’s existence and the memory of them. Even when your mind knows the pain they have inflicted upon you, their manipulation makes you question everything and sometimes disregard all the horrible things they have done. The mind paints them golden, even when they are everything but golden. 

Photo by MUILLU