The hero you cannot save
By Mona Abd El-Gawad, 17, Egypt
i guess i will always be this:
the warm coat you reach for on a rainy friday night.
the hand you grab onto when the world has sunk you
and the raging storms of life have taken you over.
i will always be the one to tend your open wounds
even with blistered hands,
even when your worries float on top of mine.
i’ll keep your secrets in my lockbox of a mouth.
i’ve always been good at hiding, after all.
i want to tell you this but i can’t.
i’ve always wanted to have what i give
and always wanted to be so much more
than i let myself become.
i also want to tell you that i’m scared of you
and all the ways you make me want to dig up
the truths i have buried in my stomach.
but i resist it.
because i won’t let you save me.
i won’t let you strip me out of my cape
or ever call you for rescue.
because i’ve always been the hero
and when did the hero ever need saving?
I wrote this poem to let out a thought that has been going on inside my head that I couldn’t share with any of my close friends. I was reflecting a lot on my relationships with the people closest to me and I realized how I always listen to people’s secrets and struggles and try my best to “save” them, but I rarely talk about my own struggles and the things that haunt my thoughts, because I never feel like I should let someone get that kind of insight into my mind. I had been thinking about this for a while and didn’t know exactly how I should write about it, until I had a deep conversation with a close friend about our lives and I almost told them something that’s very personal to me. But, I stopped myself from saying it and I wondered why I couldn’t just tell them. So, I wrote this poem to try and find the answer.
Instagram: @mona.alaa.14
