It’s Easier to Sympathize With Real People

By Bryana Lorenzo, 16, Florida

Sean Blanda’s “The ‘Other Side’ is Not Dumb” is a poignant essay about current societal discourse that everyone can learn from. It’s a harsh but true indictment of the knee-jerk reaction we have to see people who disagree with us as idiotic or awful, instead of humans who disagree with us for their own real, valid reasons. However, I have one quibble. Blanda laments that people don’t listen to the other side because they would rather be “smug [jerks] than consider alternative views”. Basically, he believes that our own egos are what cause such poisonous arguments. While it’s true that some people online are mere pseudo-intellectuals who prefer to “win” debates than engage in meaningful conversation, I disagree that most people emulate this behavior. In actuality, the aforementioned trolls are why we refuse to engage with each other. When we come into contact with people in the real world, this deep loathing of the other side dissipates, because we are no longer arguing with a self-created caricature. Basically, it’s easier to sympathize with real people than to sympathize with trolls. 

What led me to this realization was something that happened two days before school started. I was on an airplane heading from Dallas back to Orlando. A man and a woman sat behind me, two strangers who’d been seated together by the airline and were getting to know each other in preparation for the long flight. The topic of Covid vaccines came up, and the woman admitted hesitancy about getting the shot. Far from chastising her or shutting down the conversation entirely, the man calmly and gently explained to her why he thought it was best to get the vaccine for the sake of general health. The woman was very open to listening to his reasons, though still very hesitant, clearly anxious about the idea. The man spent most of his time trying to soothe her worries, even telling her that he and his family had been vaccinated as proof that it was safe. He also admitted that he wasn’t a medical expert and simply acted on the advice of leading experts. 

The pair were genuine, normal humans with different worldviews who interacted not with suspicion, but with empathy and compassion. We see here what would be impossible online: a man who admitted he didn’t have all the answers but worked with what he knew to assuage a woman’s fears about vaccination, who in turn patiently listened to his reasoning. I doubt he convinced her enough to get vaccinated, but he at least got her to think. And I’m sure the man came out of the conversation realizing that the “other side” wasn’t as vile as those he interacts with on Facebook. 

The reason this happened is because the duo were speaking face to face, which allowed them to argue in good faith. Online, however, due to a few bad actors who constantly argue in bad faith, the well ends up poisoned against any further conversation. After all, if the last nine arguments were all with trolls, why would the tenth be any different? Blanda himself acknowledges this within “The ‘Other Side’ is Not Dumb” when he mentions that we “share stuff that ignores realities… or is just an outright falsehood.” Essentially, he speaks of people arguing in bad faith online, the same reason why people refuse to engage with the other side. 

So, what do we do about this? I believe listening to each other with respect and empathy is key, just as described in Blanda’s original essay. However, I would like to add that we should specifically listen to each other in the real world. Not on Reddit. Not on Twitter. We need to have real conversations about our personal beliefs, face to face, as it is the only way we can trust each other to argue good-naturedly. The “other side” are fellow humans, but we will not remember that if we do not truly talk with them. After all, it is far easier to sympathize with real people than strangers we meet on the internet. 

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I wrote this piece as an essay for my AP Seminar class early in the year. The essay was inspired by Sean Blanda’s “The ‘Other Side’ is Not Dumb”, an essay that argues for listening more often to people and points of view we disagree with, which we’d read in preparation for this assignment. I basically agreed with everything that Blanda said, save for one key aspect: why we refuse to listen to each other. Blanda argues that our egos are what keep us from listening to each other, but due to a personal experience I had earlier in the year that I later shared in this essay, I believed that the cause of our mutual distrust of the other side was not egotism but medium of communication. I argue that the key for getting people of disparate politics to communicate with each other in good faith is to do so in the real world, rather than through the anonymity of social media.

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