Space for Being Single

By Will Lieber, 21, Illinois

David Brooks, renowned New York Times columnist and journalist, recently published an article entitled “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More than Career,” in which he posits, unsurprisingly, that marriage receives undeservingly little attention from young people when considering what will bring them happiness. As a twenty-something in college, it reminded me of a similar idea my friend once brought up: One of the main purposes of college is dating. She made the point that hardly ever, in the rest of your life, will you be so conveniently placed within such a concentrated group of similar ages, similar career trajectories, and similar intelligence group of people. Statistically, she said, you have a high chance of finding someone who is compatible with you. Although her argument diverges from the philosophical nature of David Brooks’s article, the actionable conclusion is the same: College is a time to put yourself out there. Though both my friend Lauren and David Brooks offer good points, I believe there should be space for singleness in college, and I will offer a few counterpoints of my own. 

Dating during freshman and sophomore years can disrupt the formation of budding social circles. Relationships— platonic ones— take time to develop. If you meet your perceived special someone early on, and spend all your time with them, it is unlikely you will develop a strong network of friends. Your friends in college are quite literally your safety net–they help you move dorms and get connected around campus, eat dinner with you, offer a shoulder to cry on, lend you textbooks, and the list goes on. In addition, friends are often more stable and long-term than relationships (I’m sorry if you think they are the one, I’m just sticking with the data here). 

Secondly, dating occurs on its own time schedule. Not all people are ready, or willing, to date or pursue romantic relationships in college. Though you may have a statistically greater chance in college of potentially finding a partner, that doesn’t mean the odds drop to zero when you graduate. Sometimes it takes job security, maturation, and experience for people to even know what they want in a partner. Not all of those things come in college. If you think you NEED to find someone in college, that could end in settling for someone you don’t jive with. 

Finally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to put pressure on yourself to find someone in college. If you are always ruminating over your potential mates (or lack thereof), you lose sight of one of the points of college in the first place: improving yourself and having fun along the way. Focusing on, and making yourself into the best person you can be, in my opinion, is bound to make you more attractive.

My friend Lauren’s point was only one of a handful of objectives in college. Yes, dating may be one, but it is accompanied by the following goals: earning a degree, succeeding in classes, finding a job, and building a strong network. While dating may be nice, it certainly is far from the most important on this list, especially if it is taking precedence over or impairing your ability to succeed in college. Dating is fun- but there is space for singleness too.

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Photo by Mohamed Nohassi