The Flip Side
By Anonymous, 16, Illinois
If only you saw the flip side
The other side of the me that you see.
The other person I like to hide
The side that is uneasy.
You’d suffocate under my anxiety
If I were to let you know.
I mask it under a smile, sweet and happy
But truthfully it just grows.
You’d stay away if you felt my anger,
If you felt it on your skin.
You’d be burned alive, yeah there’s danger
I fight back but it usually wins.
The flip side, you’d be trapped in my selfishness.
Disgusted with the mirrors inside the mirror.
I’m really bad at selflessness
I make myself think I have nothing to share.
You’d already have drowned
If I actually told you what I feel.
You’d be at the sea-bottom, on the ground
If you knew the sadness my smile has concealed.
Sometimes it’s so freakishly frustrating to be seen as the happy, bubbly bundle of giggly sunshine so many people know me as. I wrote this poem really late at night and I remember I it was because I wanted so desperately for people to understand that I constantly feel pressure to perform. I wanted them to see that I am trapped in this cycle of being a bubbly, fun person, and then letting my guard down and being real with someone makes me feel disgusted with myself afterwards and distrusting of the other person. I then go back to putting on a happy face and try to deal with tough stuff on my own. The Flip Side is about wanting someone to see and understand and care for the side of me I keep to myself, yet being so afraid that I’ll scare them off or overwhelm them with how intensely my own emotions affect me. As an update, I am learning to trust my friends and family with the struggles mentioned in the piece, and I am so grateful for them. It’s still hard, but overall I want to encourage others to build close, positive friendships that invite trust and beneficial growth. It’s possible.
