When I’m Mixed

By Mariam, 14, Arizona

When I’m too black

When I’m too white

And still get the vicious racist comments

When I’m too white for the black kids

And can’t speak my home language

When I still have messy afro hair,

Get the weird stares from strangers when I’m only with one parent

When I get told I look adopted

When I’m paler than the white girls who get tans in the summer

When I‘ve been the diversity in school yearbooks all my life

When seeing other people in school that are black is a shocker

After a sea of white faces, being the odd one out

When my parents try to relate but can’t and never will

When white people think they’re entitled to touch my hair, never even asking

“I’m just curious,” they say 

When a six-year-old me asks what princess I can be

And all the white girls laugh together and say “You could be Maui”

When teachers talk about slavery and all the kids look at me

When I was naturally bigger than the other white girls at eight

When I get told “No you’re so pretty” every time I complain

When I’m so unique yet so plain

“Being biracial is great because you have two cultures” 

When I barely feel like I’m enough for one 

If they lived a day in my shoes would they really find it as fun?

Getting told by people how much of each half is supposed to consume my identity

When I’m too black 

When I’m too white

When I’m mixed

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My work is inspired by my experience of being mixed and growing up in areas where I don’t see people like myself. I have always had people remind me of it in different ways, whether it was racist remarks or from black aunts who thought I was “whitewashed.” Being mixed has been a big part of my identity and writing a poem on it has made me be able to sit back and remember that I don’t need to fit anyone’s standard on how white or black I should be.

Photo by Katelyn Warner