It’s Safer in My Bedroom

By Hannah, 17

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am writing this letter because I am too afraid to tell you out loud. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes it makes me want to stay in bed. There’s too much to do. So much could go wrong. It is safer to stay here. There is so much to do, I don’t even know where to start. I can’t breathe. It always feels like my lungs are deflated. There is an infinite possibility for disaster in the world and so I feel scared whenever I leave my bedroom. I have no control over what happens outside of these four walls. I could make a fool of myself or get hit by a car or trip over my shoelaces down the stairs and hit my head. I know that these worries won’t become reality but they feel very real.

None of this makes any sense. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I am not doing this on purpose.

It isn’t my fault but that doesn’t mean it is your fault. You are not bad parents. You both love me no matter what and I can never explain to you how much that means. I know you wish there were additional ways you could help but your unconditional love and acceptance is what keeps me going. I know you feel helpless, I do too.

Please don’t feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong. This just seems to be how I function. We can heal together, as a family.

Love,
Your anxious daughter