College Decisions: Near, Far, or In-between

Due to COVID-19, many students are looking at colleges virtually. With shelter in place orders and social distancing, some may not have a chance to visit the campus before making a decision. It can be helpful to have someone share their reflections that go deeper than a campus tour.

Youth Be Heard interviewed Emilee Adams, age 18 about her transition to college. Maybe you are wondering if you should stay close to home or go to a university far away. Or, if you will find people who you can relate to in their beliefs and values. Maybe you wonder if people will be accepting or if it will be like high school where many experience judgment. We love the inside scoop Emilee shared with us on all of these topics.

YBH: How did you choose the college you are currently attending?

Emilee: When it came to choosing where I would attend college, I was encouraged to go to school close to home. I was always a shy kid. I didn’t even want to go to sleepovers. I loved hanging out with my friends but the whole “going to a friend’s house and sleeping over” scared the crap out of me. So when thinking about college, I automatically thought that I would stay close to home.

But because I wanted to experience life outside of my hometown, I searched really hard and found a school that worked for me. I think for a lot of people, it’s important to decide what distance you are willing to be away from home. I always tell people to consider this because it makes a huge difference whether you are going to be a few hours’ drive from home or a plane ride away. I think it’s good to look at your personal limitations… if you want to go away, how far do you want to go?

The process of choosing a school was by far the most stressful part of my senior year. I had some unrealistic expectations laid on me. I was a good student and I participated in a lot of volunteer hours. My mom took these things into account and thought I would have no problem getting all my tuition paid for. She had a great scholarship in college and went for free. But the situations are different now and tuition is incredibly expensive. I think her intentions were good in telling me this, but this put lots of pressure on me during an already hectic situation.

I was a really good student but I don’t test well. My ACT scores were good, but not great. A lot of schools want a great GPA and a great ACT. It was frustrating that had I worked so hard for four years of high school and then one day of taking the ACT nearly outweighs it. I have always wanted to be a dentist, which means four additional years of school after undergrad. So, I planned to get out of undergrad debt-free somehow. My parents set aside some money I could use for school- I was really grateful for that, but I also don’t want to be far in debt and use up all that money since I’m looking at $100,000 for undergrad and $30,000 per year for dental school. Finding a school that makes financial sense these days is slim pickings. The deal I made with my parents was that I would take on any additional debt outside of the money that they set aside for me. Luckily, the school I chose, the University of Southern Indiana in Evansville, gave me great scholarships which make the financial side of things a bit easier. I thought I might never find a school where this was the case, but luckily with some digging, I found a great one! I always thought that I had to stay home since I didn’t want to be in debt after undergrad, but this is definitely not the case!

YBH: What’s it like now that you’re in your first semester at a state school?

Emilee: My roommate is great, I got really lucky, and we get along super well. And talking to people I realize not everyone lives the same way or agrees with you and that’s ok. Yes, everybody is different from you in college, but some people do have the same ideals as you. I have a good network of friends here and we go to each other for advice… and that’s what I was worried about because I was worried people would judge me because of my Christianity. I thought about attending a Christian college in order to be around more like-minded people. But I chose to go to a public school and I thought I could learn from other people’s points of view. Because most of us grow up believing what our parents taught us, I thought going to a school with people who were different from me would help to expand the way I think about things. I was born in the same town I graduated from. I went to a college where I knew exactly 2 people. Both of these things are terrifying, but for me, it has been kind of nice to have a fresh start because I can decide who I want to be. Because if you go to the same school forever, people can see you as different from who you’ve always been. People knew I was shy and so they have these preconceived notions from kindergarten and that’s how they see you the rest of your life. I was introverted in grade school so it’s hard to shake that in high school.

That’s been my favorite thing in college. I get a fresh start. Especially the high school I went to, you’re automatically labeled as something and it’s so hard to break out of that. Typically, whatever people thought of you your freshman year will be how they see you for the rest of high school.

Finding a support system in college is the biggest thing. If I didn’t have the friends I’ve made already I’d be in my bed crying. College is a really tough transition for so many people, but forming new friendships can make it easier. In the dorm I chose, we all have similar majors, so it’s like a built-in friend and study group. I’m living in the honors LLC (living learning community). At least when I walked in, I knew that my peers were committed to their studies and weren’t complete party animals. I had heard all these horror stories about having bad roommates in college, but everyone on my floor actually likes each other. I think that’s so rare in the world we live in. I live on a floor of about 40 people and not one person has complained about their roommate.

If anyone has concerns about where to live in college, look for an LLC. Almost all schools have them and you will have things in common with people automatically. That’s been really helpful for me. My school is about 10,000 students so it’s not huge, but not tiny. I love Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, but I didn’t love the location since I grew up only five minutes from its campus. I wanted college to be a new experience and didn’t think I would get that by staying in my hometown. I knew that even if I chose to go to SIUE and live on campus, I would continue to go home all the time. Going home a lot during your first semester of college can feel like it will help, but in the long run, I’ve found that it just makes you even more homesick.

And living a few hours away, I can still be home for dinner since class ends at 2:00. But I don’t feel like I need to. I thought I would be homesick. I was going to go home after the first weekend but I called my mom and said I didn’t think I needed to. The transition has been really good. The first week I said mom, it’s like summer camp.

But then classes started. I’m in chemistry and biology and statistics… and I have friends down the hall so we can have study groups. We can share all these freshman insecurities… like “where is my class?” and “what is this teacher like?”

Right away my roommate and I got a lot of hard questions out of the way- like, religion. We both thought that it was a necessary conversation to have since we would be living together for the next nine months. I was very worried about having a roommate who did not respect my beliefs. In terms of continuing your faith in college, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if you’re at a Christian school because you’ll find people who you connect with wherever you are. Everybody tells you “you’re going to change in college” but I was brought up with a strong foundation so this did not really worry me. In high school, everybody was in everybody’s business but in college, everybody is busy so no one cares. People are just genuinely nice human beings.

In high school, I was so shy and so worried about what people thought of me that I just wanted to remain neutral. You have to spend a LOT of time with people in high school. You see them every day, at lunch, at football games, everywhere. High schoolers are pretty judgmental and not kind toward one another… but when we get out into the real world we get to think about who we want to be and most people want to be kind. And then we all stop worrying about the petty things.