Body Image

Emilee Adams, 19

How we see ourselves has an immeasurable impact on our lives. I have found that my “body image” changes rapidly, even on a daily basis sometimes. One of the hardest times for me regarding how I thought about myself and my physical appearance was during my transition out of my sport. I was a dancer from the time I was three years old until I was eighteen years old. Over the years, I grew to love my body despite what society told me was considered “beautiful.” In my sport, dancers with long legs, high extensions, and slim waists were praised, but during my fifteen years of dancing, I came to a point to appreciate my body for its uniqueness. There were physical attributes that I longed to have like long “legs for days” as I am a mere five feet tall. However, everyday that I caught myself falling into these destructive and jealous thoughts, I found something that I loved about my body. To summarize, my body image during this time was great. However, these feelings are just that… feelings. As humans, our emotions go up and down like rollercoasters daily and we falsely think that those feelings can be trusted. For me, reminding myself of the truth has been the most impactful step that I can take when my “body image rollercoaster” has reached a low valley. Reminding myself that I have worth despite what I look like or how I feel has been crucial. 

I say these things not to imply that I’ve got it all figured out, but to encourage you that feelings are not forever. When I transitioned out of dancing, my body image and feelings of self-worth plummeted. Looking back, I now realize that I was not allowing myself any grace for the situation I was going through. Up until this point, I had been a muscular athlete for my entire life. I was not overweight by any stretch of the imagination because I worked out excessively each day. Usually my daily exercise routine consisted of an hour and a half at the gym doing cardio and weightlifting and then anywhere from three to five hours of dancing. This combined with a full course load made little time for boredom or extra eating. So, I was consequently in very good shape. However, as my freshman year of college began, I had no sport to turn to and classes were requiring triple the work as they had in high school. For these reasons, my body changed, and rightfully so. My priority was shifted from my sport to my studies and my physical appearance would change from this. But I did not see the situation this objectively at the time. I began falling into thoughts of negative self-talk, poor body image, and a lack of self-worth. This affected more than just my physical body. When you look in the mirror and do not like what stares back at you, it takes a toll on your mind. I would attempt to “pep talk” myself up, but I continued to feel down because my previously athletic body was not as strong anymore. My destructive thoughts about my body translated into my confidence and who I was at the core. At no point should this have happened. 

Your body is your physical being, but it’s not YOU. We are humans; we grow; we change; we adapt. Change is normal and human and okay. If I would have remembered this, I would have been better off. For me, I built a contingency of body image in my mind and set unrealistic standards on how I felt about myself. I would say that “If I make it down to this weight, then I will have my confidence back,” “If I can fit into this dress, then I will feel better,” and “When this happens I will be happy again.” These contingencies are unrealistic and destructive. Loving your body and loving yourself do not have to be goals to work toward. But you can love yourself every day and love the body that you have been given. Over the last few months, I have been focused on loving my body through its changes. Different stages of our lives make our bodies look differently. However, if I can fall in love with myself at my “best” and “worst” that is truly when I know that I love who I am. Regardless of my appearance, regardless of the number on the scale, regardless of how active I am, regardless of those other people who look “better” than me. Regardless of all of those things, I love who I am and no one, not even myself, can take that away from me.