Fight You
By Marisa Oishi, 14, Washington
when we think of health, we think of
range of motion; how far can you go,
little creature crawling out from inside my head?
skittering over my ears, your claws
answer with a silent venom;
i let it seep beneath my skin;
see, i know i’m self-absorbed;
i assume everything is about me,
to benefit me, to help me
move past these cages you set for me;
i am ugly and unneeded and everything you need
to hide from the world, and
i am you; the very
worst and best part of you;
i am the only one who sticks with you through
all the moments that break you
and make you; i am a monster, and
i am a majestic beast; and maybe only you can hear
me roaring these disfigured untruths, but maybe
i’m just exercising my right to heal;
maybe the pain only goes away
if we go through it; maybe we’re in this
together; maybe i don’t want
to fight you
anymore
This poem is about accepting myself as I am. I can get stuck in negative cycles in my head, and after a while, I started seeing these thoughts as monsters tearing me apart. But ironically, I can’t fully love myself if I hate the part of myself that doesn’t. These “monsters” are a part of me, and I want to learn to accept their existence.
The speaker and the “you” in this poem are purposefully ambiguous. I tried to blur the line between me and the monster because there’s no real difference between what the monster whispers and what I’m thinking. I tried to emulate my racing thoughts with my use of semicolons instead of periods. The lack of punctuation at the end symbolizes how this is just the beginning of my journey through my negative thoughts.
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