Intense Emotions
By Molly Dickerson, 17, MA
being abandoned
feels like mourning
a death
and getting a B
in school
feels like failing
rejection
feels like hatred
and being ignored
feels like
i’m invisible
depression
feels like grief
and annoyance
feels like rage
being criticized
feels like
i’m a horrible person,
like everything
is wrong with me
anxiety
feels like
the end of the world
and trying to be patient
feels like i’m going
to explode
eating a meal
feels like
gaining 100 pounds
and peering into the mirror
feels like looking at
the ugliest person
to ever exist
my heart beating fast
feels like i’m dying
and my stomach
doing flips
feels like being diagnosed
with a terminal illness
one little argument
feels like
wanting to disappear,
like everyone
would be better off
without me
i feel emotions
so much stronger
than everyone else
and no one gets
how intense
they feel to me.
my mind
is constantly spinning,
like when you spin
around and around
and can’t find
your balance.
my emotions
are bombs
in my brain
that get set off
by the simplest things
and my thoughts
are race cars.
they race
to be heard
and to be seen
and to be processed
and they race
faster and faster
until i can’t catch up.
i want to feel emotions
the way others do.
i want to feel
excitement
without feeling
like i’m jumping
out of my skin.
i want to feel
irritated
without wanting
to destroy everything.
i want to feel
sad
without losing
all hope.
i want to feel emotions
at the regular level
of intensity,
not like i’m
dying
or crying
or sad
or mad
all the time.
i want
to be
normal.
I wrote this poem about my struggles with mental health, and difficulty dealing with my emotions. This poem explains the extremes in which I feel anger, depression, anxiety, and even joy.
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