The Noble Food Fight

Layla, 15, Illinois

All the lords and ladies dressed in white

Are going to a party tonight

All the lords and ladies dressed in white

Are marching in a line, what a sight

Up to the royal banquet hall

Which sits atop a grassy knoll

All the lords and ladies stream through the door

And onto the royal dancing floor

And lo! what assails their eyes

But food, meat, veggies, and a lot of pies

And one, the Royal Advisor Hady

Throws a cake at the nearest lady

Mad, she throws one quickly back

And so begins the Food Attack!

What sails through the air but a rack of roast beef

Giving the lord that it hit much greasy grief

Say! Where is the crawfish etouffée?

It’s there! On the hair of our Lady Renee!

Listen closely and you will hear

The draining of a pint of beer

On the nearest lady’s head it is poured

No other food or drink is left ignored

‘Cept for that big pot of porridge over there

Whose consistency seems meant to scare

All the lords and ladies jump right in

And begin to cause an awful din

All start feuding with one another

As noble brother dirties noble brother!

That’s what I heard on that grassy knoll

Maybe white’s not the color for a banquet after all.

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This poem was written for a medieval feast that my friends were holding. Although I wrote this when I was younger, I’m proud of it. It came from a long desire to hilariously chuck food at another human being!

Photo by National Historical Museum of Sweden (NHM)