From Abandonment to Isolation: The Lasting Effects of Loneliness
By Addison Nekich, 17, Wisconsin
What makes someone lonely? Although everyone has felt loneliness in their life, the causes and effects differ from person to person. But loneliness rarely begins without cause; it often starts from neglect and abandonment and may grow stronger over time. Some may choose to persevere and fight it, while others may let it consume them. A perfect example that exhibits the detrimental outcomes of prolonged loneliness is the central character, Kya, from Where the Crawdads Sing. The author, Delia Owens, emphasizes how loneliness often begins with abandonment and neglect, and over time can shape someone’s emotional intelligence, relationships, and sense of self—just as it does in modern society.
In the real world, one of the most common causes of loneliness is abandonment and neglect during childhood. When individuals lack healthy and strong relationships and structure with their families, friends, or community, loneliness may have long-term effects rather than just being a temporary feeling. The article “Why Are We So Lonely” in Boston College Magazine argues that children who grow up without emotional support often struggle with continued loneliness later on in life (Wolfson). Without guidance, these individuals may grow up to feel disconnected, isolated, and unsure of their place in social settings. Additionally, factors such as growing up in poverty, being bullied, or being labeled as “different” can cause further isolation and create little to no meaningful connections (Wolfson). When individuals experience neglect frequently, they may see it as a normal part of life. They may internalize this loneliness, making it feel unavoidable. This mindset may affect how they approach relationships and situations in adulthood, which may cause them to expect rejection before it even occurs.
In Where the Crawdads Sing, the causes of Kya Clark’s loneliness closely mirror the real-life experiences that often lead to isolation. Kya’s loneliness stems from the extreme abandonment by her mother and siblings, and her father’s neglect—then later, permanent abandonment. From a very young age, Kya is forced to survive without guidance, protection, and emotional support. Deliia Owens emphasizes this by portraying Kya as a child who must quickly show independence in order to survive. In addition, she is treated as an outsider of her community, who mockingly refer to her as “Marsh girl,” a label meant to emphasize her poverty, wildness, and separation from society. This label sticks with her and strips her from her individuality, which reinforces her isolation. Kya explains, “I never hated people, they hated me. They laughed at me. They left me. They harassed me. They attacked me…I learned to live without them…” (Owens, 344). This constant rejection convinces Kya that she does not belong, which is a big cause of her loneliness. Some may say that being isolated may help Kya with later struggles in life, now that she has learned to be very independent. Although this may be true and being independent can help in numerous ways, human connection is one of the most important aspects to life. Kya’s lack of any support at such a young age is truly unhealthy and just straight up abuse.
In modern society, when loneliness extends for years, it begins to reshape emotional development and relationships. It may lead to many attachment issues, which makes it difficult for individuals to trust others and form healthy connections. The National Library of Medicine discusses prolonged loneliness and how it is different from temporary loneliness because it makes loneliness the norm and causes permanent damage (Hawkley and Cacioppo). It may cause issues that affect one’s relationships with everyone that surrounds them: “Lonely individuals see the social world as a more threatening place, expect more negative social interactions, and remember more negative social information” (Hawkley and Cacioppo). Loneliness changes how individuals perceive others and events. As a result, they may just try to avoid social interaction altogether, which can lead to even deeper problems: “Loneliness not only increases depressive symptoms but also increases perceived stress, fear of negative evaluation, anxiety, and anger, and diminishes optimism and self-esteem” (Hawkley and Cacioppo). It causes some to solely rely on themselves, which is unhealthy and can leave permanent emotional scars.
In Where The Crawdads Sing, the effects of loneliness are very clearly displayed in Kya’s personality and relationships. Years of isolation cause Kya to become extremely independent and resilient, but also emotionally distances her from others. Owens writes, “She knew the years of isolation had altered her behavior until she was different from others, but it wasn’t her fault she’d been alone” (Owens, 363). Loneliness doesn’t just slightly affect Kya’s life—it changes who she is. Kya slowly devotes herself to the marsh and nature making it her overall safe place, which sets her apart from society. She no longer seeks emotional understanding from people; she looks for it in nature. Owens personifies nature, such as the moon, to show the feeling of comfort and connection Kya receives from it just as if it was another human. This overall demonstrates how isolation reshaped her relations with others and overall understanding of the world. For example, her loneliness deeply affected her romantic relationship with Tate, a local boy who became her first love and was one of few to show kindness to her. However, when Tate has to leave for college, he temporarily breaks his promise to return. Kya immediately interprets his departure as abandonment. She cries, “‘Why, Tate, why?’ She mumbled into the sheets, ‘You were supposed to be different. To stay. You said you loved me, but there is no such thing. There is no one on Earth you can count on.’ From somewhere very deep, she made herself a promise never to trust or love anyone again.”(Owens, 145) When he leaves, she immediately thinks he abandoned her instead of the possibility that something went wrong. Rather than believing in stability, Kya expects loss, demonstrating how her past affected her overall ability to trust people.
In conclusion, Where the Crawdads Sing powerfully reflects modern society through the portrayal of loneliness and its long lasting effects. Kya’s experiences mirror individuals in the real world who face childhood abandonment along with social and emotional neglect. Both real world research and Delia Owens’ novel shows that loneliness can affect emotional intelligence, relationships, and an individual’s sense of self. While loneliness can improve strength and independence, it can also leave deep emotional scars that can permanently shape an individual’s life forever. Delia Owens illustrates this all to help society to reconsider how we see and treat those labeled as “different.” This understanding highlights the importance of emotional support and human connection, showing that preventing loneliness early on in people’s lives can provide greater outcomes for them in the long run.
Works Cited
Hawkley, Louise C., and John T. Cacioppo. “Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms.” Annals of Behavioral Medicine, vol. 40, no. 2, Oct. 2010, pp. 218–227, doi:10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8. PubMed Central, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3874845/.
Owens, Delia. Where the Crawdads Sing. Penguin Publishing Group, 2018.
Ross, Elizabeth M. “What Is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?” Usable Knowledge, Harvard Graduate School of Education, 25 Oct. 2024, https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it
Wolfson, Lisa. “Why Are We So Lonely?” Boston College Magazine, Boston College, Winter 2024,https://www.bc.edu/bc-web/sites/bc-magazine/winter-2024-issue/features/why-are-we-so-lonely-.html.
What inspired my work is seeing the constant discrimination individuals face in places like my school, work, and in public social places. Someone defined as “different” should be treated just as equally as everyone else.
